Summer's Fall
by e.l.smith
Summary: Summer's fall into a world of despair and guilt from the death of her mother. Summer's falling in love. Summer's fall to cope with the obstacles life brings her.
1. Chapter 1

SUMMER'S FALL

_This book is dedicated to my darling Rex._

_Because you believed in me when no one else did._

PART ONE

Eileen Kennedy. That was my mother's name. They say it takes a year to get over the death of a loved one, it's been five years. I still sit on my bed almost every night and cry. She had to walk home from work because my dad had to pick me up after school with our only car. I stayed after school so I could hang out with this boy I thought I liked, but my parents' thought it was for extra work.

I let my mother walk home alone. I knew that the area where I lived wasn't the best place to go wandering by yourself, but what are the chances? My mom was robbed, and then stabbed. She died immediately.

Each one of the different therapists I went to always told me the same thing: don't blame myself. It's kind of hard not to. Look at the situation, I made her walk home for my own selfish reasons, of course it was my fault.

My sister Emma had a hard time remembering her because she was only six when my mom died. But I was ten and Celeste - my older sister - was twelve.

It was the fifth anniversary of my mother's death, and I knew my dad loved her; he hasn't even looked at another woman twice since the incident. I can handle being sad about it, but I hate seeing him so upset. Every year he stayed in his room, he didn't even come out to eat. That was my broken family, it was so hard back then, still is, but we cope.

June 12th 2010

My mother was a really beautiful woman, long golden blond hair with natural highlights. She had big brown eyes that shone beautifully in every light. She was an adventurous person, everything was here and now, no planning. She used to sing to Emma and me every night, the same song. I can still hear her voice so clear; as if she was in the same room with me.

I heard the final bell ring for school to end; I quickly rushed to my locker and grabbed my things. As I was reaching for my math book someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a boy named Sam from my History class. Sam was tall and lanky; he was about a foot taller than me. His waving brown hair fell perfectly in place every time he moved his head. He had clean features, a rounded jaw and friendly brown eyes. I didn't know him very well, but we had a project together the week before. I assumed we were somewhat friends by now.

"Hey," he said to me when I faced him, he grinned widely. He had recently got his braces taken off, his teeth looked like they were a celebrity's, yet they didn't seem out of place.

"Hey," I replied simply, and smiled politely.

His face changed from happy to nervous and he scratched the side of his neck. I looked at him confused. "Uh," he began, and then laughed at himself. "Look, I'm going to the fair tomorrow with my brother and his friends, I was wondering if you would maybe, want to ah, go?" he asked in a rush.

I thought about that. I had been dreading tomorrow for the last three hundred and sixty four days; would I be able to go with him without breaking down with sadness or guilt? Even though so many, - I'd assumed - already knew about her death, I couldn't risk it. "I would really love to go Sam, but tomorrow ah," I was extremely bad at lying.

"It's just to help me out, all my brother's friends are going and I really don't want to be stuck with them," he smiled cautiously.

How could I tell him the reason I didn't want to go was because there was a chance that I couldn't handle the guilt of my mother's death, and ultimately just break down? I tried the lying thing, probably unsuccessfully. "My family is having our annual picnic, my cousins are coming all the way from Europe, and I haven't seen them in a while..." I said as calmly as I hoped.

His expression changed instantly, first I saw a glimmer of sadness for just a moment then it almost looked as if he was ashamed he'd asked me anything. "Oh okay I understand, family duties," he looked down; shifting his feet, "I know exactly what you mean, my family has a get-together every year too," he looked back at me and smiled a sweet smile, "I wouldn't miss them for the world," his smile grew and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Well, I'm glad you understand. I really would've come," I looked at my phone to see the time, "I really should get going, my sister is waiting for me." I said looking back up at him. We said our goodbyes, then I was out the front door scanning the parking lot for Celeste.

I found her rusty Honda no problem. I lightly trotted over to her car. She was such a beautiful girl. I loved the simplicity of just walking beside her because boys would constantly be looking over, so intrigued, I've spent years just wondering what the intrigue was, hoping the walks would shed some light, they never helped me understand her completely though. She had long flowing golden blond hair. She looked so much like my mom, while Emma and I looked like our dad. I admit I was sometimes jealous of her, but Celeste being herself was always so selfless, always telling me that I was just as pretty as her, "We're sisters remember? We look alike," she'd say. I wasn't looking for pity for my incompetent appearance that I didn't care for. I wanted to know how she had such a magnetic personality. But she would never understand why, maybe I wouldn't either.

Once we were on the road I realized we were going in the opposite direction of our house. "Celeste, where are you going?" I asked curiously, but not worriedly.

She gave me a deadly smile, sure to make anyone stop and stare, "I thought since it's Friday we'd have a little fun, it's almost the end of the school year if you haven't noticed," she giggled. She was right I hadn't really noticed. I love school; I love learning.

"Does dad know about this?" I asked now a little worried.

She laughed, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, Summer." I groaned.

Celeste ended up taking me to the beach. A few people came to greet us, people I had never met before, but seemed to be great friends with Celeste. It had become dark and everyone was sitting around a fire. I got bored listening to hushed murmurs, so I eavesdropped on a louder conversation between a girl and a boy sitting beside each other.

"Hey Eddie, aren't Craig and his little brother supposed to be here?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, I just texted him; he'll be here in five minutes," said the boy named Eddie, looking at his phone.

That conversation quickly became the centre of my boredom, so I tried a new method of amusement: leaning back, closing my eyes, and attempting to sleep. A few moments later my eyes flew open to a cold, wet sensation on my face and torso. I got up in a flash and ran a few yards away from my chair, which was soaked with water, as well as my shirt. I looked up to see almost every face on me laughing. I was humiliated.

It was obvious Celeste couldn't keep in her laughter; she walked over to me with her hand over her mouth. I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster - which isn't much - "Can we please go home?" I asked annoyed.

"No, there are still more people coming, the party hasn't even started," she proclaimed, her hand slipping to her hip.

"Fine, I'll just walk home." I looked away and stomped off, she hadn't even bothered to stop me.

When I arrived at the parking lot I heard the sound of a motorcycle, then its lights shone brilliantly into my eyes. I held my hand up to my forehead to shield them from the incredible luminosity. When the brightness went away I squinted to see the person that was driving the bike. I could hardly see anything from the aftershock of the lights, but I could see two silhouettes: one tall and muscular the other a bit shorter and thinner.

"Hey, you!" I heard the taller one call out.

"Yeah?" I said cautiously.

"Are you Celeste's sister?" The guy said jogging over to me. I could finally see his face. He looked familiar, he went to my school, I could tell because of the football jacket he was wearing. He was extremely tall, with big dark brown eyes, and wavy brown hair. The other person I'd seen walked closer beside the taller boy. It was Sam! This must have been the older brother Sam was talking about.

I completely forgot about the question I had been asked, "Sam!" I exclaimed.

"Summer?" He asked, not sure what he was seeing.

"What are you doing here?"

"Actually, I'm just leaving." I answered solemnly.

He looked me up and down, "You're wet?" he asked confused, hopefully the darkness concealed my shivering instead.

I looked myself up and down, "Oh, right. That's why I'm going home," I finished.

Sam's brother looked me up and down as well, but differently. He had a different meaning in his eyes, I didn't recognize it.

"Okay, I'm going." He said impolitely, and stomped off toward the beach.

"Sorry about him," Sam said after his brother had walked far enough not to be heard.

"Huh?" I looked to his eyes for an answer. He revealed nothing with his eyes except confusion.

"Are you telling me that you didn't notice that?"

"Notice what?" I said letting a shiver escape. I wrapped my arms around my body in an effort to become warmer. When I looked back up at Sam his face changed swiftly, I was noticing a pattern with him...

"You're freezing!" He started to take his jacket off. I put my hands up refusing it.

"No, I just live twenty minutes away; I'll be fine, but thanks." I said shivering again, then quickly returning my arms to hug my body. That didn't stop him from putting his jacket around my shoulders. I have to admit, it felt a lot nicer having it on. I inhaled the scent of it; it was sweet, and honey-like.

"Okay let's go," he said, urging me with his hand pressed to my back.

He took his hand off, then I looked back at him, "You don't have to walk me home," I said quickly. He pointed to the brown leather jacket that I was now wearing.

"You have my jacket," he said then smiled.

I smiled back at him, "Right," I said, relishing in the warmth of the coat. I slowly slipped my hands down the sleeves. The sleeves were way to long for my scrawny arms, but with the length my fingers started to tingle with heat. Sam walked beside me when we reached the sidewalk, I glanced over as he put his hands in his pants pockets.

He looked over at me, "are you warm?" he asked gently.

"Yes, thanks," I smiled at him. He looked up surprised for a moment then returned the smile and turned his gaze to the road ahead. Sam was kinder than I had realized. He freely lent me his jacket knowing he would become cold sooner or later, but he didn't care. I smiled to myself by the thought.

Then my smile faded; someone this nice doesn't deserve to be lied to. I lied to him about tomorrow, the least I could do was tell him the truth. But I couldn't possibly... It was hard enough to think about, let alone tell some boy I barely knew.

"Hey Sam, about tomorrow," I started to say. He flipped his head a full ninety degrees in about a half second before I could continue. I started slowly, choosing my words carefully, "I think I'd like to go with you, but some other time would be better." I hoped this made up for not being able to go with him, even if I was still lying about a family gathering.

I waited a few minutes before I finally looked up at him for a reply. "Sam?" I asked cautiously. He looked up at me, and the way he stared at me made me come to a complete stop. His eyes glimmered in the dim street light, as he noticed my confused expression.

He looked back down to his feet. "Look," he began, "I know what day it is tomorrow, for you I mean. I knew this whole time, but when I asked you to go tomorrow, I thought, ugh I didn't know what I was thinking, it was your mom for god sakes, how could I have been so clueless, so insensitive!"

I was stunned, and had no idea what to think. I began to take the jacket off. He put his hand out in protest.

"No, please keep it, I have to go anyway," he said turning on to a different street.

After he left I walked silently, keeping the jacket tight to my body, glad I hadn't given it up. I inhaled its mesmerizing scent again; still so sweet. I then planned to talk to him Monday, I understand that he thought I might have been over it by now. I'm sorry for everyone who has to deal with me that I'm not.

I ended up walking to the park across from the old elementary school parking lot. I didn't want to go home yet, didn't want to sleep and have the memory force itself back upon me, sure I would have nightmares, as I do almost every year. I sat lightly on the rusty swing, as I held on tightly to its chains. I breathed in the cool night air, relaxing my tensed muscles. Suddenly I heard a rustle in the bushes behind me.

I jumped off the swing, and turned around quickly. There stood Celeste dimly lit by the street lights with that casual beauty she always managed to pull off. "Celeste! You scared me!" I shrieked at her.

She gave me one of her trademark, devious, smiles. "Sorry Summer," she giggled and grabbed the other swing. She gracefully sat down and motioned for me to do the same. I clumsily sat down on the swing and almost missed because I was shaking.

Celeste then looked over at me, apprehensive, "are you okay, Summer?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry that I left you like that," I replied.

She sighed heavily. "It's alright Summer, I've been so distant from you lately. Well, Emma and dad too, I guess. I should have stuck up for you tonight... What are you doing here anyway?"

I gave a small, nervous laugh. "I have no idea, I guess I just don't feel like going home right now.." I let my voice trail off.

"Mom?" I gave a little nod, "yeah, me too. I come here a lot actually. Sometimes I just need to get away from it, and dad, he's just so depressing to be around this time of year." I nodded again in agreement.

A long time passed before either of us said anything. I let the night's breeze gently caress my skin as I let Celeste's words sink in. So many times had I just wanted to scream in agony, in rage, in fear. I wish I could be forever composed as Celeste. She seems able to deal with this so much better than I can.

"Celeste?" I said after a long moment. "How do you do it?"

She looked at me, "do what?"

"Live..?" I said not expecting an answer to such a stupidly vague question.

"Summer, I just do, it's a part of life. Pick up your chin and move on," she said a little more harshly than I had expected.

"How dare you talk about her like that Celeste." I began quietly, "I don't want to 'pick up my chin' Celeste, I don't want to feel so trapped, like I can't do anything because I might just fall to pieces! Why don't you feel like that too?" I got up off the swing as rage overtook my body.

A very long while passed of me pacing back and forth, not letting my eyes drift to hers. I sighed deeply, "because it's all my fault!" I fell to the ground, and sobbed as I answered my own question, letting go all the emotions I tried so hard to keep in.

Celeste quickly removed herself from her swing and dropped to the ground with me. I felt her arms wrap themselves around me, and for once I just sat there wanting her to stay forever around me. "It's not your fault Summer. Trust me," she whispered, pleading with me to believe it. I felt a light quiver from her body and we laid there crying for what seemed hours.

That night Celeste and I stayed up sharing beloved memories of our mother. There were mixed emotions all night of love, and sorrow; regretting things we'd never had the chance to do, and discussing exciting recollections of what we favoured the most about the time we'd spent with her. This was probably one of the best nights I've ever spent with Celeste. So why did she have to change?


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO**

June 13th 2010

Today was the day my family's been dreading. I woke up at my usual Saturday morning time. I then went down for breakfast, trying to make this day as usual as possible. But what I saw when I entered the kitchen was certainly not the usual Saturday morning I'd expected. Celeste and my father were talking in hushed tones, I quietly backed out of the kitchen before they saw me. I waited outside the room and listened carefully.

"The detective on your mother's case stepped down yesterday," my dad announced to Celeste.

"What? They haven't found the killer yet!" Celeste exclaimed.

"These things happen, Celeste," said my father solemnly. "Tell you what kiddo, I take the three of you to the fair today? You'll have a lot of fun. You girls haven't bonded in a long while."

"Dad..." pleaded my sister.

"Don't you dare give me a 'but' Celeste," my dad said jokingly.

When I returned to my bedroom after breakfast I was disappointed to see Emma still curled up in her blankets. I softly nudged her shoulder. "Em?" I tempted. No budge. "Emma you have to get up today. And guess what, dad's taking us to the fair," I said with cheer that I hoped seemed convincing. I watched her stir a little in her cocoon of blankets.

"Why?" she asked tiredly.

"No clue, but it's bound to be fun," I counter, with the hope that it actually might be.

I quickly remember that the boy, Sam will be there today. Was he my friend? I didn't really know what being a friend entailed really. I never had one before, not that I ever needed or wanted one, I was completely content with my school work, and family. It would be nice to know someone though, to know someone else's troubles, to know I'm not completely alone in this guilt thing. Maybe someone to tell it all to, a third party who could just tell me what I'm doing wrong, that I've done wrong and I should feel bad. All my family does is tell me how much it isn't my fault, to make me feel better about myself. It doesn't make me any stronger for them, it only makes it worse, telling someone else would put some of those stresses at ease. But I know my family's attempts were precisely what I didn't need. I needed a friend and I was determined to get one.

I decided then to actually try to have a good time for my dad, my sisters, and myself.

I live in a relatively small town so the fairs we hold can't be much bigger than your average soccer field. It usually runs for two or three days and only about two hundred people attend each day. So, it wasn't that hard to spot Sam and his brother's gang. Even though my father had specifically told us this was supposed to be 'bonding time' I thought we could add in Sam. He's sure to be harmless enough, I laughed at myself by the thought.

Sam turned out to be quite diverting when it came down to what day it was. He got all our minds off of it easily and if he noticed one of us, usually Emma, getting saddened he would have no problem stitching her back together again by smoothly changing the subject. He was polite about it, and never pried. He was shaping up in my mind to be a pretty good guy.

Even though it was not a very big event they had a small roller coaster that hovered above all the booths. Of course Emma wanted to go on it, but neither Celeste nor I would have any part in it, we both had very weak stomachs. So, Sam agreed to take her on the coaster and my older sister and I decided to venture off into the woods to get away from the hot sticky, early fall air. Not to mention the loud hum of people's conversations, and the popcorn smells enveloping the hot dog smells.

When we found the path we had taken many times together throughout our childhood. The sweet smells of pine, and oak filled my senses. As we walked, I always waited to talk until we sat down because I loved listening to the wood's special sounds. I loved hearing our footsteps scrape the early fall leaves on the ground, and hearing the squirrels climb into trees quickly before we intruded their home.

We stopped at a small clearing, bushes all around us, and sat down on the cool, crunchy leaves nature had placed so nicely for us.

I breathed in the sweet scents again, and sighed. "I've always loved it so much out here, Celeste," I said, looking at my sister.

"Me too, sometimes reminds me of mom. Even though it was dad who always took us out here, we would constantly be talking about her," she finished quietly.

"I remember that," I said, thinking about all the times we'd come out here just the three of us because Emma was too little. These woods held so many of our memories.

I remembered once when Celeste and I were seven and nine, we were just young, but we had never gone camping before so we begged and pleaded for weeks. Finally, my dad agreed to take us. We came out here, which is probably as close as you can get to civilization, but we didn't care. We were going to spend the night in the woods, that's all that mattered to us.

You aren't allowed to make fires in these woods because they're so close to people's houses, so my dad brought our little barbecue with us. We ate hot dogs and sausages that night. Once our stomachs were filled we told stories. Scary stories, but most were of dad telling us all the secret things mom would hide from us. Like, where she hid the cookies for the bake sale, Celeste and I would have eaten them right up if she didn't do so. We spent the night laughing, and smiling. It's the one memory that I remembered while Celeste and I sat, soaking up the wilderness.

"Can I ask you a question?" I said, turning to my sister.

"Go ahead," she said, with a smile.

"Why do people like you so much?" I asked, trying to sound as serious as possible because I honestly did want to know the answer. But, I guess it sounded odd because Celeste cracked up laughing.

"I didn't know they did," Celeste said with a goofy grin on her face.

"Well, they do," I said dismissively, she was obviously not going to answer my question, so I posed another, "What do you do with your friends? I think I want to be friends with Sam, but I've never really wanted a friend before," Celeste turned and gave me an incredibly beautiful, sincere smile.

"Be yourself, Summer, do whatever you want," she said quietly. I knew this probably carried more meaning, but I didn't question her. "I don't know how you think of me Summer, but I'm sure as hell not perfect," she continued.

"Well, I don't think you're perfect," I began. The honest thing was, I couldn't figure out what her fault was. She had to be so strong for the rest of us because we didn't have a mom anymore. She did make fun of my hair when we were little because it always stuck out in one spot no matter how many times I'd brushed it, which I thought was mean. But I doubted that even mattered anymore.

"Summer, I don't just get up every morning and say, 'Who wants to sit with me at lunch, today?' it's nothing like that at all. Every morning I get up and say, 'Why the hell am I awake?' I don't want to be here Summer, I don't want to have to take care of you, and dad, and Emma, for the rest of my life. I'm seventeen for god's sake! I shouldn't be forced to do this, but you know what? I do! I do because I love you all too much," Celeste then gets up and walks towards the path again.

When we got back to the fair Celeste and I were back on usual terms and we found a bench and sat, watching Sam take Emma on the roller coaster over and over.

"Sam is really nice, Summer, tell me where I can find one of him," said Celeste sarcastically.

"He does have an older brother," I replied, joking.

She groaned. "Sam is the exact opposite of Craig, he treats girls like they're a piece of bread."

"A piece of bread?" I asked, confused.

She giggled, "Never mind Summer."

After a few minutes went by, Emma came trotting over to us. "That was so much fun guys! I can't believe you didn't want to try it," said Emma, so happy I wanted to cry. I've never seen her light up like this before. What has Sam done to my baby sister? "And guess what?" Emma continued, "dad invited Sam for supper!" Emma exclaimed.

The supper could not have gone worse. Since my mom died, my dad has never cooked anything fancy for us, and it's usually a free-for-all at the table. My dad decided tonight was chicken-strips-night. He had personally invited someone over and he still wanted to cook something from a box. I was incredibly disappointed with him, and Emma. Not only did my dad embarrass me with his lousy cooking, but Emma did the most embarrassing thing of all.

As we all sat down at the table, my dad insisted to lean over everyone's shoulder and pour strips and fries onto their plate. I believed at this point, Emma had a little crush on Sam, and she wanted to do everything for him. She was the one who wanted to put his food on his plate, she wanted to pour his water for him, too. During those two days I had begun to develop a slight phobia to water because of what happened at the beach, and what Emma just happened to do next.

As Emma was trying to pour Sam's water in his glass my dad quickly brushed by her to give Celeste her food, little did my father know that he brushed Emma a little too hard and the water spilled all over Sam, and me.

My dad had to lend Sam one of his own shirts, which looked way too big for him. The odd thing was, Sam was completely fine with all of this, he was always so polite and he blamed everything on himself.

I, on the other hand, rushed upstairs to my bedroom and locked myself in there for a good ten minutes. I lied on my bed thinking of all the ways Emma could have acted worse. I walked down the stairs with as much dignity as I could muster, and apologized to Sam for my unruly household.

When we finished eating supper Sam asked me to go for a walk, so we did. "I just live about twenty minutes away, would you mind walking with me? It's getting dark," he'd asked.

Once we were outside and onto the sidewalk I asked, "You're not really scared of the dark, right?" humorously.

"No," he chuckled.

"Okay," I said, and we walked a while before either of us said anything else.

"School's almost over," he began, "I can't wait for summer. . . I mean, the season," he finished awkwardly.

I let a giggle escape. "I know summer is a season, Sam," I replied.

"Yes, I know. I guess I got a little nervous," he said, not looking at me.

"Why would you be nervous?" I laughed.

He looked up and smiled at me, "No reason I guess."

"I'm really sorry again for what happened. Emma can be a little overwhelming at times," I said lightly.

"Seriously Summer, it's completely fine, she's like the little sister I never had, it's actually fun being at your house," he admitted.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief. "Well, my parents are really strict I guess. They aren't as hard on me as they are on Craig, but still . . . And your dad is really cool," he said with a smile.

"Sometimes," I said, giggling. "Well, my house is right here, thanks for coming with me Summer, and letting me come over, it's been one of the most amusing days I've spent in a while," he smiled, then walked up the steps to his house.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted and I let my mind wander around Sam, and then Emma. Then, to Celeste, and what she had said to me in the woods. She was right of course, but there had to be some way I could at least take a little bit of the stress on myself, for her sake.

The next day I tried to help out more around the house, and I did, for several weeks afterwards. Celeste's smiles were always forced. Her hugs and kisses for Emma were always strained. Celeste and I never talked again like we did at the playground or in the woods. To this day I still think I could have done so much more for her.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

September 6th 2010

Celeste committed suicide that summer.

I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. Why weren't we enough for her? Why couldn't she see the amazing effect she had on everyone around her? She made anyone stop and listen, whether it was about a cool shirt she saw at the vintage clothing store down the street, or about the cute new boy at school. She was gracious and beautiful. She was loved by everyone and she loved each and every one of them just the same.

After she died, I couldn't feel happiness, or hope, and I became numb. I feel nothing anymore, not even sadness. I live each day as it comes. And, today is the first day of my last year in high school.

I get out of bed sluggishly and force a brush through my hair. I brush my teeth then walk back to my room to get dressed. As I go through the door I see Emma curled up on her bed, weeping. I quickly rush over to her, but I know I could never help her.

She sits and I rub her back. It's been the same routine for months.

"Emma you have to get ready for school," I say, with no hope that she will do so.

"I can't go Summer, I just can't." She pleads.

"It's your first day of high school, Emma! You will have your mind off of this in no time," I reply, wishing I could maybe resemble Celeste when it came to cheering people up.

"What if I don't want it off my mind?" She replies nastily. "I don't want to forget her like I did mom!"

I breathed out sharply, "Emma, you will never forget Celeste! And, don't you ever think that. Now get ready for school, I bet dad would even let me drive you," I say quickly trying to change the mood. I squeeze her side and she jumps.

"Hey!"

"Get up," I say with a smile then finish getting ready for school.

By the time we get to school I've managed to keep Emma in good spirits, although I wish I could say the same for myself. I have to act like everything is okay for Emma's sake, I'm actually afraid to leave her now, in fear of my own breaking point. She's the only thing that's held me together this long, so I figure I can continue on at least this morning.

After the car is parked and we walk inside, it seems as though this might be easier than I thought. Until I realize that people are staring at us. I get Emma to her home room before she notices these looks.

Before I know it I'm walking down the same hall Celeste's locker used to reside. There is a big crowd of people clumped around it. All I can do is stand and stare. I knew she was popular, but I had no idea this many people were so close to her. A teacher then walks by and scoots everyone out of the hall and into their home rooms. I'm scooted away as well, but not before I see the beautiful memorial spot for my sister.

Her locker is painted her favourite colours. Posters of her favourite bands, everything that she loved was placed on that locker. Just as the teacher shooed me into my class I see a picture frame with her graduation picture in it, surrounded with flowers at the bottom of the locker.

A tear wells up in my eye as I think about my sister and the effect she must have had on all of these people. I silently walk into my classroom as I wipe the tear from my eye and, as Celeste said, I pick my chin up and move on.

The morning is hard. People I don't even know are coming up to me asking questions, and giving their condolences. I hope this isn't happening to Emma too, I don't think she would handle it very smoothly.

When lunch finally arrives I immediately go outside, find a tree, and disappear into its shadows. I lean back and let myself relax.

All of a sudden I hear quiet footsteps coming from behind the tree. I quickly shut my eyes as if to make it look like I've fallen asleep.

"Hi Summer," says a cheery male's voice behind me. My eyes open without hesitation and I peer my head around the trunk to see who couldn't possibly be there, but he is there. It is Sam, coming to pity me? See if I need cheering up? I have no clue.

"Hi Sam," I say quietly and retreat back to my previous position. He swiftly steps around the tree and squats down next to me.

"I saw you sitting by yourself and thought you looked lonely. Mind if I sit?" he asks. I wave my hand to motion him to sit down wherever he wants.

"Are you here to ask me how I feel?" I say closing my eyes, and leaning back again.

"No," he says coolly.

"To give your condolences?" My eyes still shut, relaxing more.

"No," he says again.

I open my eyes cautiously, "then what for?" I say.

"What, I can't sit and talk to a pretty girl behind a tree?" he winks.

I think at this point I'm blushing because I feel heat flow to my cheeks quickly. My stomach feels weird and fluttery, too.

I try to keep my face relaxed, "I see."

There's a quiet lull in the conversation before he finally says: "we're friends, right?"

"Sure why not?" I reply. I had never thought about it before, sure I wanted him to be my friend, but I didn't really have friends at school, or anywhere. I didn't have time because I was always so focused on my studies.

"Good," he says with a smile.

We talk all lunch-hour and we are surprised when the bell rings for it to be over. We say our goodbyes and part ways.

I'm surprised about how good I feel after lunch. Of course this doesn't last long because just before my next class, I'm called down to the office.

I open the door to see my father and Emma sitting in the waiting room chairs. Suddenly I feel a panic rise in my chest, I have no idea what is about to happen but it can't be good.

"What's going on dad?" I ask him nervously.

"Please come with me," says the secretary before my father can answer.

My father, Gary Kennedy, is a scruffy looking man with balding light brown hair and brown eyes. He's put on weight since my mom died, and even more since Celeste passed. His face is never without pain, and despite his attempts, he can't hide it from us. Sometimes I have a hard time even looking at him.

The secretary ushers us into the principal's main office where there are three dark wooden chairs waiting. We each take a seat and await the impending news.

Mr. Radley is our school's principal. He has light hair and he always wears the same outfit every day: plaid shirt with a plain tie, and corduroy pants that never quite reach his shoes. He is an older man with big glasses that are always falling off. At this moment he sits uncomfortably in his chair.

"Good afternoon Kennedys, I hope you're all doing better considering your misfortunes." he says awkwardly. "I have brought you here today with a proposition. The school board would like to have an assembly dedicated to Celeste and we would gladly appreciate it if one of you would be able to make a small speech. I know it is a lot to ask, but it could really help the students cope, I know she was very popular here and had a lot of close friends. I'm certain that each and every student would appreciate it just as much as the school staff and myself would." he finishes, and I am stunned. I can't believe one girl, my sister, could make such a difference at a school like this. But, the moment Mr. Radley asked if one of us could present something for her, I knew I could never be able to do that. Stage fright alone sends me running in the opposite direction, but having to talk about my deceased sister in front of the entire school, I could never.

My sister piped up quickly after he had finished and offered to do a speech. I admire her bravery at a time like this. Maybe she thinks this will be her contribution to Celeste, and a way to help her remember her. I'm so proud of her already for making it this far.

My father agrees that Emma should do this, using her as a shield for his own reluctance. Why is he so determined not to let the world know that he hurts? He tries so hard to hide it from Emma and me, but even we can see his facade falling apart.

Everyday is getting harder for him, I can tell, and he leaves the office just as solemnly as he had entered.

My dad hovers outside the office as Emma walks back to her class. I wait with my dad because he looks like he wants to tell me something.

He finally opens his mouth and blurts, "I'll drive Emma home today, are you going to come as well?" he asks, avoiding my eyes.

I take a few moments to think about this. "No, that's fine dad. I need to go to the library anyway to finish my summer reading list for A. P. English, thanks though." I give him a reassuring smile as he takes in what I have said. I know that he now knows that this is only an excuse so I don't have to deal with Emma tonight. We both know she'll break down as soon as she's out of public eyes.

He gives me a suspicious look, nods his head, and leaves. I can only assume he's going to walk home just like I imagine he walked here. I believe this is true until I peer out the school's front windows to see him get in an unfamiliar car. So that's how he got here. Who is that? The car's windows are tinted too dark for me to see. So many questions start going through my head, and they might never be answered.

I can't let myself worry about this, my dad is a grown man.

Later in the day I'm struggling to stay motivated throughout my classes, but this last class gives me something as simple as a smile as I enter it for the first time. I see Sam alone at a desk in the far right corner of the classroom. The desks have been arranged in couplets so I slowly walk over to the desk beside him.

"Mind if I sit?" I ask, sure of his future response, smile, and sit down before I hear it.

"'Course, Summer," he grins widely back at me.

I suddenly feel adventurous. The meeting at lunch, and the unspoken words between my father and myself have made me slightly giddy. "What are you doing after school?" I inquire, and put a foolishly evil grin on my face, quietly wondering if it's as bewitching as Celeste's was.

Sam curiously cocks his head to the side, obviously noticing my new found boldness. "Why?" he demands with melodramatic suspicion.

"I want to do something," I say with just as much enthusiasm.

"With me?"

"Yes."

"I'll have to think about it," he says with dismissive intentions.

I return with a light smack on his right forearm. "I want to do something whether you want to or not," I say, feeling the giddiness rise in my chest.

"Okay, what?" He says, seriously, but still his cheery self.

"Anything, honestly I just want to get away for a couple of hours," I say, acknowledging his change of mood to match my own. I look down at my hands on the desk, realizing that this is probably the most I had openly talked to anyone in a while. And this was probably just the beginning with him, I slowly think to myself.

"I guess we'll know when we get there," he says just as the bell rings for class to begin.

At the end of the school day Sam and I go separate ways promising to meet each other outside by what he now calls, "my tree." As I sit waiting patiently I hear a loud shuffling coming from behind me.

"Summer!" a familiar child like voice cries.

I look back and to my surprise I see Emma running full speed towards me. "Emma, what's wrong?" I ask, seeing the concern on her face.

"Dad told me that he couldn't come pick me up and to go home with you," she says in a rush.

"Did he say why?" I ask annoyed.

"No," she says, shying away from me.

"Well, I'm meeting someone, I'll drive you home when I go home. You can tag along," I say with hope that being in public will help her stay sane for the next few hours.

Her face lights up immediately. "Who are you meeting?" she asks excitedly.

I roll my eyes, "Sam."

Emma begins to grin widely. "Really? So I get to hang out with Sam today?" she asks.

I stand up and put my arm around my little sister, "Don't do anything stupid, please." I say with a playful smile.


End file.
